Understanding Non-Binary Identity

What is Non-Binary?

Approximately 1.2 million adults between the ages of 18 and 60 are classified as non-binary, with 5% of the young adult population in the USA also not identifying exclusively as men or women Non-binary is an umbrella term for people who do not identify exclusively as men or women. Non-binary is a gender identity, meaning that it describes someone’s internal sense of gender, independent of the sex they were assigned at birth.

To be clear, identity is not the same as choice. Everyone has a gender identity, meaning that everyone identifies as a man, or a woman or has an identity that transcends this binary. Non-binary people do not “choose” to have a different identity or use different pronouns. Rather, they use this language to describe their self-perception of their gender.

The umbrella of non-binary includes several identities, including but not limited to: gender fluid, genderqueer, agender, gender expansive, bigender and more. Some people may identify as a mix or combination of genders (a man and a woman), others may identify with neither, and some may experience changes in their gender identity over time (gender-fluid folks).

Pronouns

What are gender pronouns? Why are they important?

Gender pronouns include the following:

• She/her
• He/him
• They/them (as a singular, gender-neutral pronoun)
• Neo-pronouns like ze/zim

Pronouns are our way of naming someone and, in turn, recognizing their identity. When we call someone by the wrong pronoun or misgender them, we can make the other person feel awkward, unseen, anxious, or even disrespected. When misgendering is repetitive, it can have negative impacts on a person’s mental health.

Gender identity and gender pronouns do not have an automatic correspondence. For example, a transgender woman, like Dr. Ellie Zara Ley, might ask to be referred to with feminine (she) and neutral (they) pronouns. Just because she is a woman does not mean she has to exclusively use feminine (she/her) pronouns. Likewise, someone who identifies as gender fluid may change the pronouns they identify with over time.

Is they/them really a singular pronoun?

Yes! In the English language, they/them has been used as a singular pronoun (to refer to just one person instead of a group) since at least the 14th century. Several professional societies and editorial authorities recognize that they/them can be used as a singular pronoun: such as Mariam Webster, the Washington Post, the Associated Press, the American Psychological Association, the Oxford English Dictionary, and the New Oxford American Dictionary.

It might be awkward or difficult to get used to calling a single person “they” at first. Taking a pause to think before you speak, practicing by yourself, or with a trusted friend can make a big difference in making those around you feel more respected and comfortable.

4 Simple Tips for Respecting and Supporting Non-Binary People

If you have someone who identifies as non-binary in your life–a friend, co-worker, or family member–showing them respect and support is not that difficult:

1. Remember that non-binary people are people too:

This might sound ridiculous, but sometimes, when we meet someone who is different from us (because of their appearance, name, or pronouns) we might hyper-focus on that difference.

Non-binary activist and poet Alok Vaid-Menon once said “it’s never been about comprehension, it’s always been about compassion.” You do not need to understand why someone expresses themselves the way that they do or uses certain pronouns to treat them with decency and respect. Not to mention, when we hyper-fixate on people’s differences, we might ask inappropriate questions, stare awkwardly, or do something else to make the other person feel uncomfortable.

2. Ask about pronouns and introduce yourself with your pronouns

It is best not to assume what gender pronouns someone uses. Someone’s gender expression may not be an indicator of pronouns; for example, someone with a very feminine or masculine presentation might only use they/them pronouns.

If you do not know, you can always ask. Likewise, introducing yourself in different settings with your pronouns can signal to trans and non-binary people that they are welcome and respected here. When we create a space where we give people permission to introduce themselves with their pronouns, we take the burden off of trans and non-binary folks to go out of their way to teach others how to respect them.

3. Apologize briefly if you misgender someone

Misgendering means calling someone by the wrong pronouns or honorifics. If you misgender someone accidentally, it is important to offer an apology. When you are corrected, it is best to avoid defensiveness, justifications, or excuses. We encourage you to keep your apology brief and direct. When you get defensive or offer an effusive apology, you can make the other person even more uncomfortable by putting them in a place where they feel pressure to comfort you after you misgendered them.

4. Educate yourself about and advocate for non-binary people

Self-education can be an ongoing process. Familiarizing yourself with the stories and activism of prominent non-binary folks and organizations is a great way to gain more understanding of who non-binary people are and how to best support them.

Advocating for non-binary people can look like requesting diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) training in your school or workplace or advocating for the creation of gender-neutral bathrooms or other gender-segregated spaces. In an even simpler way, advocating for the needs of non-binary people can look like committing to respect them in your personal, day-to-day life. For example, you can take personal accountability after misgendering someone by practicing their pronouns with someone else and taking a pause to think before addressing them.

Frequently Asked Questions About Non-Binary People & Identities

How do I know if I am non-binary?

While people typically tend to develop a sense of their gender identity in early childhood, from the ages of 3-5 years old. Still, some people may not put language to their gender identity until later in their adult lives.

Many people come to identify as non-binary if they feel that their gender is neither exclusively masculine nor feminine.  While some non-binary people experience gender dysphoria with their body, not everyone does.

Is being non-binary a phase or a fad?

In short, no. Having a gender identity that does not fit into the binary of man vs. woman has always been a normal part of human diversity. While the term non-binary began to be used in the 1990s to describe gender identity, the idea that some people transcend the gender binary (male or female) has existed across time and geography in human history.

Just like cisgender people, trans people often go through stages of self-expression as they learn more about themselves. Sometimes, trans people change their names and pronouns more than once, which might give you the impression that their gender identity is a phase. Questioning or judging someone’s identity and expression as a phase or fad can cause mistrust and make someone feel invalidated.

What is the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation?

Gender identity refers to someone’s self-perception of their gender: female, male, non-binary, two-spirit, etc. Sexual orientation refers to the gender(s) that someone experiences attraction to. For example, a man or masculine-spectrum non-binary person who is only attracted to women and femininity is straight or heterosexual.

Gender identity and sexual orientation are independent and do not determine one another. For example, trans women can identify as straight, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, or asexual. Having a certain gender identity–like being a woman, trans, or cis–does not necessarily mean you will experience attraction towards men.

Is non-binary the same as androgyny?

Non-binary is a gender identity that transcends the traditional scheme of man vs. woman. Androgyny, on the other hand, refers to an ambiguous gender presentation or expression that has both masculine and feminine traits. Gender identity and expression are not necessarily linked. In the same way that a woman can have a more masculine gender presentation, a person who identifies as non-binary may not (always) have a gender expression that is androgynous. You do not need to present as androgynous (all the time) to validate your non-binary identity.

What is the difference between non-binary and two-spirit?

Two-spirit and non-binary are not mutually exclusive identities. Two-spirit is a cultural identity coined by indigenous people to recognize how many cultures have challenged colonial, European notions of gender. An indigenous person can identify as two-spirit and non-binary.

Two-spirit comes from the Ojibwe word “niizh manidoowag” that translates to two-spirit. It was adopted in 1990 at the Transnational Gathering of Indigenous Queer Activists in Canada as an umbrella term that bridges contemporary LGBT+ indigenous experience with pre-colonial traditions across cultures in Turtle Island that have recognized and validated genders beyond the binary. Two-spirit as a term recognizes that in many indigenous cultures, people who were recognized as embodying both masculine and feminine spirits were respected, accepted, and even given spiritual importance.

What is the difference between non-binary and transgender?

Transgender people can have a binary gender identity (i.e., trans men and trans women) or they can have a non-binary gender identity. Still, while some non-binary people identify as transgender, not all resonate with the term.

Transgender is a term that was popularized in community activism in the 1990s as a way of describing people who transcend the gender they were assigned at birth. Unlike “transexual,” the term transgender was not coined in a medical context; rather, its purpose is to de-stigmatize and de-pathologize being trans (i.e., insist that it is a normal part of the human experience and not a mental illness).

Related Articles: Medical Transition Options for Non-Binary Folks

Not all non-binary people are interested in or need medical transition–hormones and surgery–to feel alignment between their gender and their body. For those interested int whether or not medical transition could be right for them, we encourage you to look through the following articles that discuss common inquiries of non-binary patients:

• Microdosing testosterone
• Microdosing estrogen
• Top surgery: non-binary techniques
• Breast augmentation
• Facial surgery
• Bottom surgery for assigned male at birth patients
• Bottom surgery for assigned female at birth patients