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Common Questions About Trans and Non-Binary Youth

Medically reviewed by Dr. Scott Mosser on February 3, 2025.

When a child or young person in your life comes out as trans or non-binary, you might have a lot of questions about what that means, what they’re going through, and how it might impact you as a parent or family member of a trans person. Likewise, if your child goes to school with or has a friend who is trans or non-binary, you may have some questions too. Below, you will find answers to some frequently asked questions about gender, being trans, and how to support trans young people.

Gender 101: Key Terms

Familiarizing yourself with the key terms in this section will help you better understand the questions and answers throughout this article.

• Gender identity: Gender identity refers to the gender (or genders) that a person identifies. Identity is not the same as choice. For example, a trans man is someone who identifies as a man, transcending the female sex category he was assigned at birth. He is not a “biological female” who “chooses to be” a man.
• Trans: A person who is trans or transgender has a gender identity that transcends the one they were assigned at birth. For example, someone assigned female at birth may identify as a man or boy.
• Non-binary: A person who is non-binary does not identify exclusively as a man or woman.
• Gender-variant and gender non-conforming: These are umbrella terms that refer to individuals whose gender identity and/or presentation does not align with their gender/sex assigned at birth.
• Gender dysphoria: The DSM IV describes dysphoria as psychological distress that arises from the incongruence between one’s gender identity and sex assigned at birth. Not all transgender and nonbinary people experience gender dysphoria. However, in order for someone to receive gender-affirming medical care covered by insurance, they need a gender dysphoria diagnosis, which involves having a long-term, persistent experience with dysphoria.

• Gender euphoria: The opposite of dysphoria, gender euphoria is the feeling that trans and non-binary people have when they are affirmed in their gender. This can be due to wearing clothing that aligns with their gender, appreciating the results of a gender-affirming surgery, feeling seen, loved and accepted by friends or family, and so much more. Gender euphoria is not a psychiatric diagnosis.

• Sexual orientation vs. gender identity: Sexual orientation refers to who a person experiences attraction towards. Some words that describe sexual orientation are gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, asexual, pansexual, straight or heterosexual, and more. Gender identity refers to the gender that someone identifies with. Gender identity and sexual orientation are separate qualities of a person; having a certain gender identity does not mean a person will necessarily be attracted to femininity, masculinity, both or neither. To see a fuller list of terms that help describe the varied members of the LGBTQ+ community, you can view HRC’s glossary here.

How do I know if my kid is trans?

It is normal for children to have preferences, behaviors and even personalities that defy gender stereotypes. Just because your son likes playing with dolls or your daughter likes toy cars, for example, does not mean they are trans. Rather, professionals identify someone as trans when they are insistent and persistent (over the course of several months or years) that their gender is different from what they were assigned at birth.

According to developmental psychology, most children will begin to gain a sense of their gender identity between the ages of 3-5. During this time, your child will likely gain more awareness of gender stereotypes and experiment with their gender expression accordingly.

Likewise, they will start to outwardly express whether or not they consider themselves to be a “boy” or “girl,” regardless of whether that aligns with their sex assigned at birth. That said, not every trans and non-binary person has the language at a young age to name themselves as trans or non-binary. Even then, youth who are able to may hide or suppress their identity if they are in an unsafe or judgmental environment.

What should I do if my child comes out as trans or non-binary?

We encourage you to practice openness and compassion with your child if they come to you to talk about their gender. The best thing we can give children who are questioning their gender is the space to express their doubts, reflections and insecurities without judgement or pressure to arrive at a certain response or conclusion. If you need your own space to process your doubts or worries, you can connect with organizations like PFLAG or look for a gender-competent mental health professional.

Accepting and embracing your child’s identity, rather than judging or rejecting it, can have a profound impact on their mental wellbeing and their ability to function in the world. When trans youth experience rejection and hostility from immediate caregivers because of their gender identity, they are put at a greater risk for anxiety, depression and substance abuse. Attempting to change your child through so-called “conversion therapy” can cause long-term psychological harm.

Is being trans a fad, a trend or a phase?

The short answer is no. Gender variant people have existed throughout the history of humanity, across time, cultures and geography. With the rising number of trans youth and adolescents seeking gender affirming care in the United States over the years, many people think this is because being trans and non-binary has become “in style.” Not to mention, Generation Z has the highest proportion ever of individuals identifying as LGBT+ ever. Pseudoscientific “theories” like rapid-onset gender dysphoria falsely claim that being trans is a social contaigon. However, this is simply not the case.

From Ancient Greece to the Middle Ages and beyond, much of the Euro-American world held a high stigma against people who are left-handed. From associations with clumsiness to religious perceptions of left-handedness being demonic, there was severe societal preassure against being left-handed. In the US, once this stigma lightened up during the first few decades of the 1900s, the population of people who identify themselves as being left-handed increased, and eventually stabilized by the 1960s. When we stop pressuring people to be who they are not, they can more comfortably live as their authentic selves. The same is true for gender-diverse people.

Dismissing a child’s gender identity as “just a phase” signals that they are not valued, which can cause harm and mistrust during a time where they need to feel loved and affirmed the most. Just like cisgender people, trans people often go through stages of self-expression as they learn more about themselves. Sometimes, trans people change their name and pronouns more than once, which might give you the impression that their gender identity is a phase. However, trans people are usually just trying to communicate what they know and understand about themselves in a given moment. It is important to honor their shifts as they come. Keep in mind that one of the best ways to show love and support for a trans person, regardless of their age, is to adapt your language to their identity.

What if a child at school pretends to be transgender in order to use the other bathroom or changing/locker rooms?

In a study cited by GenderSpectrum, several school districts were surveyed that have had policies in place for years that allow trans students to use bathrooms that align with their gender identity. In none of these districts were there reports of students falsely asserting a gender identity to misuse facilities. These fear-based hypothetical scenarios are not based on facts. More than that, they are dangerous in that they can incite panic that can prevent trans and non-binary youth from accessing safe spaces.

When a student comes out as trans or non-binary at school, a formal Gender Support Plan is created to help them access the services and support they need to be safe at school. A comprehensive Gender Support Plan is not created on a whim; they help school staff and officials to distinguish between authentic and disingenuous requests. Youth that enter bathrooms, changing rooms or other facilities without permission can be disciplined under school conduct policies. Whether or not students break conduct rules has more to do with school climate and supervision than acceptance of gender diversity. For more information about trans youth in schools, click here.

Do children who say they are trans regret transitioning later in life?

According to the World Professional Association of Transgender Health (WPATH), regret in transgender healthcare is uncommon. In fact, regret in undergoing gender affirming medical care is lower than occurrences of regret in similar reconstructive and cosmetic interventions.  A recent study, the Amsterdam Cohort of Gender Dysphoria (ACOG), indicated a remarkable 98% likelihood for transgender patients to continue with gender-affirming medical care, underscoring the significance and efficacy of such treatments.

While detransition is rare, it does occur. The reasons behind the decision to detransition or re-transition are often complex and multifaceted. Each individual’s experience is unique, and it is crucial to approach detransition with empathy and respect. Oftentimes, detransitioning is a coping mechanism that arises from a weak support network in the face of external pressures, like societal expectations or familial influence against transitioning. In other words, detransition or re-transition is often not a reflection of regret for undergoing gender-affirming care. Rather, it is most commonly a choice made to navigate a world that is hostile to trans and gender non-conforming people. This highlights the need for a supportive and understanding environment to accompany gender diverse individuals through transition.