Misgendering: What It Is and How to Handle It?

Reviewed by Dr. Scott Mosser on January 25, 2025.

What does it mean to misgender someone?

Misgendering means using the incorrect pronouns or honorifics to refer to someone. Misgendering can be an honest mistake—like accidentally calling a man, “miss” or “misses”—or an intentional tactic to disrespect someone. Regardless of the intention, misgendering, especially when repeated, can make an individual feel unseen, unwelcome, uncomfortable or even unsafe.

Understanding Gender Pronouns and Gender Identity

Gender identity refers to a person’s self-concept or self perception. This does not mean that gender identity is a choice. Someone who is cisgender (cis, coming from the Latin root for “same”) identifies with the sex they were assigned at birth. Someone who is transgender has a gender identity that transcends the sex they were assigned at birth. For example, this can include people who were assigned female at birth and are men (i.e., trans men) or do not identify exclusively with being a man or woman (i.e., someone who is non-binary).

Gender pronouns include the following:

It is important to note that gender identity and gender pronouns do not have an automatic correspondence. For example, a cisgender or transgender woman, like Dr. Ellie Zara Ley, might ask to be referred to with feminine (she) and neutral (they) pronouns. Likewise, someone who identifies as gender fluid may change the pronouns they identify with over time.

We recommend not using language like “preferred” pronouns to describe the pronouns that a person uses or identifies with. This is because language like “preference” can reinforce the idea that being transgender is a choice or that respecting a trans person’s identity is superfluous, unnecessary or a burden. Decades of peer-reviewed medical and psychological research has proven that being trans is not a choice, but an experience that we can identify in people–for example, with persistent gender dysphoria.

Why does misgendering someone matter?

Misgendering someone–whether it is done in-person, over a (video) call or written communication–can create an awkward moment for the people involved. As Dr. Katz-Wise notes, for many trans people, when we are misgendered, we have to decide in this moment of awkwardness and tension if it is worth correcting, and if so, how. Being called the incorrect pronoun or honorific would make anyone feel uncomfortable. It may provoke feelings of insecurity, feeling dismissed, unseen or even anxious.

Misgendering, particularly when it is a repeated occurrence in someone’s life, can have a significant impact on their mental health. The frequency of misgendering is a strong indicator of an individual’s social connectedness: the degree to which a person feels they belong to, are supported and valued within interpersonal relationships. Research shows that some of the negative impacts of frequent misgendering are:

  • Burnout in the workplace, which leads to emotional exhaustion, depersonalization and reduced professional efficacy for workers
  • Worsened gender dysphoria
  • Heightened anxiety
  • Depression
  • Reduced authenticity
  • Perceived stigmatization
  • Psychological distress

The Legal Perspective: Misgendering as Harassment

Since 2020, the United States Supreme Court has ruled that discriminating against someone for their “transgender status” is a violation of Title VII’s prohibition on sex-based discrimination. The US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) has also considered that misgendering can be a form of workplace harassment when it is repetitive, intentional and/or severe. This includes discriminatory actions like discouraging or preventing trans employees from using bathrooms that do not correspond with their gender identity.

On January 21, 2025, President Donald Trump rescinded Executive Order 13672, which was issued by President Obama in 2014 to expand federal workplace protections, banning discrimination on the basis of gender identity. Still, states like California and New York have passed laws that classify misgendering as a form of workplace harassment.

Our Top 5 Tips for Responding to and Avoiding Misgendering

1. How to Apologize: Keep it Brief

If you misgender someone, regardless of if it was unintentional, it is important to offer an apology. When you are corrected, it is best to avoid defensiveness, justifications or excuses. We encourage you to keep your response to realizing that you have misgendered someone brief and direct. Specifically, we recommend that you keep your response to (1) expressing gratitude for being made aware of your error and (2) briefly apologizing to the person you misgendered.

When you get defensive or offer an effusive apology, you make the situation about yourself, rather than the person you made uncomfortable. Not to mention, extensive apologies and expressions of guilt can put the person you misgendered in a position where they feel like they have to coddle you. Alternatively, we recommend that you expend your energy in accountability. This can look like:

  • Taking a pause to think before you address or speak about someone you have a tendency to misgender
  • Practice speaking about someone with the proper pronouns with a trusted friend, schoolmate or co-worker
  • Asking a trusted friend, schoolmate or co-worker to correct you if they notice you misgendering someone

2. Don’t assume, Just ask

It is best not to assume what someone’s pronouns are based on their appearance. If you are not sure what pronouns someone uses, you can ask them in private or follow their lead, seeing if they make the specification.

3. Set the Tone: Introduce Yourself with Your Pronouns

Rather than waiting for a moment in private to ask for someone’s gender pronouns, we can make workplaces, schools and social settings more inclusive environments by creating the opportunity for people to share their pronouns. This can look like a teacher asking their students to introduce themselves with their pronouns at the start of the semester or someone introducing themselves with their pronouns at the start of a work meeting or mixer. You can also include your pronouns in your email signature or in your name as it appears in a virtual meeting.

When we create the space where we give people the permission to introduce themselves with their correct pronouns, take the burden off of people who are gender non-conforming to go out of their way to teach others how to respect them. Not to mention, we signal to trans and non-binary people more broadly that they are welcome and respected in a given setting.

4. Be an Active Bystander

Research shows that misgendering is more common when there are lower levels of social support. People who are misgendered frequently experience heightened levels of stress and an increased risk of anxiety and depression. When we politely and compassionately interrupt misgendering, we can prevent it from becoming a frequent, more harmful occurrence, and allow for it to be addressed. For example, you can politely pull a co-worker aside, send them a message or write them a note saying, “just a friendly reminder that this person’s pronouns are….”

5. Use Gender-Neutral Language When Possible

Another way we can avoid misgendering people is by using gender-neutral language whenever possible to refer to individuals whose gender pronouns we are not sure of. For example, this could look like calling a professional a “firefighter” instead of a “fireman.” Likewise, if you are not sure of someone’s pronouns, avoid addressing them with a gendered honorific (e.g., “miss”) or referring to them with a gendered title (e.g., “child” or “kid” vs. “boy” or “girl).